gesticulate wildly, kiedis style.

after a good laugh?

then read "scar tissue", the anthony kiedis ( from the red hot chilli peppers) autobiography. its kind of in the vein of "sex n thugs n rock n roll" and "most people i know", the billy thorpe auto bios. by this i mean, "scar tissue" is, in short, a homage to all of the great roots old anthony has had, all over the world. some samples;

in hawaii,

" there was a knock at the door. i went to answer, and it was this young hawaiian maiden.

' can i come in?' she asked

... right there, in the hallway of this hotel, she dropped to her knees and gave me a blow job"

and of another fair maiden, this time in new york;

" she rocked me in a way i hadnt thought was possible by a person of her age- seventeen. there was some very adult behaviour taking place, and i remember going, "wow! what fucking porno has this girl been watching?"

and in seattle,

"we flew in to seattle and after paying our respects to kurt, once again, sex was on the menu. love, on the other hand, was on the specials board: often perused but never partaken in*...

halfway through the show, Christina had a couple of arena beers and got horny and decided she wanted to give me a blow job. So we wandered back stage. most of the doors were locked, but i found one which was open. it was below the stage and opened on to the electrical control room for the whole arena. there were all these levers and switches and buttons. so we got on the floor, took off all our clothes and started having sex..some where along the way we got too frisky and banged into a lever, and all of a sudden, the lights went out. i jumped up and rushed over to the board, convinced that we had cut the lights to the entire arena. i frantically pushed a lever and the lights came back on. i realised we had cut the power only to that room, but we were one lever away from bringing the concert to a grinding halt from having sex beneath the stage."

these are just a few exerts from the memoirs of a truely unparalleled muscician. a man whos sexual prowess and sheer virilty could have inadvertently brought an entire stadium to its knees. if only we could harness that energy, we could bottle it and sell it as an alternative fuel source. anthony kiedis could be an antidote to the fossil fuel crisis.

so anthony, we salute you, and we appreciate your book. sure, its lewd and there aint much in there about music, but thanks.

mr kiedis would describe his book differently, of course, and im sure, if you were to meet him in person, his description would be accompanied by a lot of gesticultion. wild gesticulation.

other dissapointing muscician' s auto bios:

"Miles" by miles davis with quincy troupe.

sample line:

" man he was a motherfucker, what a motherfucker of a nigger, he was slicker than a broke dick dog, that bad motherfucker"

nuff said i reckon.

'til next time.

* i actually made this up myself. i thought it was funny and appropriate... and a little bit naughty, kiedis style!